How to move past the fear of rejection — and build friendships and client relationships that truly connect.
They never liked me. At first.
If people don’t warm to you right away, it’s completely normal — and it’s not about you. The human brain resists anyone and anything new. It’s almost a reflex: adapting to unfamiliar people and information is uncomfortable, so the mind quietly pushes back. The good news is that the resistance doesn’t last. Once you understand how it works, you can move through it on purpose.
I’ve been the new person more times than I can count
I have a lot of experience being new — and being left out for that reason alone. It built an openness and a confidence around new people that I wouldn’t trade for anything.
- As “the new kid” at fourteen different schools, I often had no one to sit with at lunch. I had to keep introducing myself and trying to make friends. They didn’t like me — at first.
- When I started my first business, cold-calling companies and walking up to their booths at trade shows, they didn’t like me — at first.
- When I pitched a contract to a competitor and asked them to pay me commission on new business, they didn’t like me — at first.
“At first” is the whole story. It never stays that way.
What rejection taught me
Being told “no” over and over — what I think of as rejection therapy — teaches two things you can’t learn any other way:
- Rejection is painful, but it isn’t permanent. You only discover that after you push past the initial sting and keep showing up.
- People can change their minds. Often you don’t have to change a thing except your willingness to come back. Show up steadily, as your best self, and feelings shift on their own.
In business, research suggests it takes an average of eight touches to land a first meeting with a new prospect. Making friends works the same way. You keep showing up — warm, consistent, acting as if the connection already exists — and eventually people recognize you, trust you, and most will genuinely like you.
If you’re feeling on the outside, you’re not alone
If you’re feeling left out, or hungry for deeper connection, you are not alone — I’ve been there. And if you’re trying to grow a business and break through to new clients, the rules of engagement are exactly the same: keep showing up, unfazed by being new, aligned with your best self. That’s how relationships — and reputations — are built.
